As I finished writing my first post, I began to think about my next step. All I know at this moment is that I have to do something because I can’t continue to sit here and do nothing. Most people in position like mine (other inmates), hide from their past. Tucked away inside a cocoon of complacency they shape for themselves within these prison walls, afraid to face further scrutiny for their crimes and the devastation they left in their wake. I know this would be the easiest thing for me to do, to sit here and do nothing, as I try to forget my past, so I won’t have to relive the shame for the things I’ve done. But my responsibility is absolute. I’ve taken so much from so many people, now it’s time to start giving back. I owe it to the women I’ve hurt, to my family and to our society for all the moral boundaries I broke.
I don’t know in which direction this path will take me, if these words will make a difference or if anyone will even read them. I’m not foolish enough to think I could ever take back the things I’ve done or somehow make them better with any action I may take but that doesn’t excuse me to sit here and do nothing. Something is broken and I have to make a change, however insurmountable this mountain of responsibility may seem. Violence against women in any form is never okay. We should always strive for a better and brighter future, by making sure that this epidemic is continuously confronted and eventually eradicated from our society.
In closing, I just wanted to say to those people I may never get a chance to see again and anyone I may have hurt in this life, that I’m sorry. I know these words may seem like an empty gesture but it’s all I have at the moment. I could spend the rest of my life apologizing and trying to make amends but there isn’t possibly enough time to do so. Not in a thousand lifetimes. But I won’t stop trying.