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To My Family

To my lovely family,

I just want to take a moment to say something to all of you.  I want to apologize for everything I’ve done and all of the negative things I’ve put you through. There’s a chance I may not see some of you again and since I only talk with a few outside the immediate family, I write this with the hope that these words may find you.

Over the past few years I’ve had a lot of time to be alone and reflect on the serious ramifications of my actions. When I went through all of this before, I was still young and naïve, believing foolishly that I didn’t need anyone’s help, that I could conquer my “demons” (depression) all by myself. Now I see that it’s so much deeper than I could ever imagine. I won’t go further into this subject but it’s something I can address later if you’d like, for now I want to focus on our family.

I can’t quantify the enormity of my shame for the things I’ve done and for all I’ve put you through. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have a family member convicted of these terrible crimes and having to face society which judges even those who are related to me. Many of you have put me from your minds which I understand completely, especially since it’s no one’s fault but my own.

I just wanted to say that I love you and I’m eternally sorry for breaking your hearts, shaming our family, and not living up to those noble standards I was taught growing up.  There are no words that exist, that have existed or will exist, that could ever express everlasting remorse. I hope that one day you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. I just want you to know that I’m working very hard and trying my best to make amends with the time I have left on this earth. I understand there’s nothing I can do to mend a broken heart or wipe away the tears but I’m still tying my best to make a difference.

Thank you so much for all the love you’ve given me over the years, for all your support and the wonderful memories that help me get through those dark days when I feel like I can’t spend another locked away in this cage.  You’re a beautiful people whom I hold near and dear to my heart and it’s your love which reminds me that this truly is an incredible life.

Goodbye always seems so final, so absolute, so I won’t say those words. Instead, I’ll just say I love you with all my heart and I hope to see you soon, whether in this life or the next, we will meet again. I promise to do better in the next one.

All my love,

Alberto Martinez

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