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Visits

I love visits with my son and family. They are a reminder of how much bigger this world really is and how much love there is to give (endless). I stay in a concrete box with steel doors, a dayroom devoid of color and a “yard” you can joy across in fifteen seconds. In here relationships are built out of mutual benefit, power in numbers, fake faces and distorted principles. As you can imagine, it can prove difficult at times not to go under when the tide comes in and the waves batter you back to the island of the absurd. I keep trying though.
I played basketball with my son this past weekend. Not actual basketball. I built him a fort out of those big plastic Lego like pieces in the visiting playroom. Then I took off the “roof” so we could run around and shoot a rubber ball into it. The joy on his face was priceless and the fact that he would call out Papi, only made the moment more special. He was so happy in that moment, I wished I could take some of that joy to put in a battle and use it in times of need. Like when the tide pushes me back in.
I do struggle with the fact that my family has to come here to see me, especially my son and there have been moments when I thought it might be best if he didn’t visit. The only problem with that theory is, then he’d have no father in his life and like it or not, this is all I can give him.
I don’t want to focus on the negative anymore because I can’t change the past. What I can do is marvel at the love and devotion I feel from my family. I’m honored at having the privilege of bearing witness to this kind of love. Thank-you for everything, it gives me the strength every morning to get up and keep on fighting. Oh, and in case I forgot to tell you today, I love you little man.

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